Jealousy is another character trait that can undermine relationships and make you miserable. We all know that depression can lead to loneliness but jealousy does worse than that. People who are jealous, are also very lonely people as they have trouble maintaining good relationships. Jealousy is an acquired trait that stems from insecurity, low self esteem, need to control, and a shattered self. Lack of self confidence, feelings of envy, hatred, anger, hostility, and resentment can also cause a person to become jealous. It is very important to be aware of this trait and learn to overcome it in order to maintain good relationships and live a life of harmony and peace. People who are envious of other’s belongings, assets, and wealth become miserable themselves and cannot enjoy life. They cannot enjoy their own assets and accomplishments as they are always afraid that someone will super cede them. The more they get involved in the rat race, the more miserable they become. They cannot be grateful for what they have and always long for something that the other person has. In the process, they lose their inner peace, become very competitive, and consequently become loners as people around them, can sense their jealousy and distant themselves from them. A grieving person has friends who share the grief but the jealous person ends up being lonely. They suffer from agony that is self created and is counterproductive to their well being. Jealousy can become a barrier in maintaining good relationships with friends and relatives. There are examples of two brothers, two friends, husband/wives, two sisters, sisters in law destroying and ending their relationships due to the feelings of competitiveness and jealousy.
Jealousy can be also self defeating. Sometimes your imagination can make your thoughts so powerful that you begin to believe in them and do not even look for any reasoning or logic. You jump to conclusion about other people’s behaviors because of your own insecurity and lack of confidence, and accuse others for having an affair without knowing the facts. For example, there are women who get jealous of their husbands if they catch them with another woman. However, sometimes, there is no valid proof about their imagination as it turns out that the husband is not really having an affair but trying to get some help from the female coworker in finalizing a business deal. One lady spied on her husband and saw her with another woman and automatically jumped to conclusion that there is something going on between them. When the husband returns home from work, he is accused of having an affair. Lack of trust can be a factor here that led to jealousy. These types of interactions can ruin a marriage and damage relationships. It is important to overcome this trait to end the misery that it inflicts on the person who harbors jealous feelings. It can be detrimental to one’s health as it can cause anger, hostility, resentment, frustration which could lead to insomnia and other mental health issues. The person suffers immensely as long as he or she is not willing to give up jealousy and live a life of harmony and peace.
How do we overcome this trait which interferes so immensely with our inner peace
1. Be Grateful.
It is important to be thankful for what we have. Once we begin to appreciate our assets, wealth, and relationship, we will become more secure and not envy others who have more than us. Gratitude is one way to overcome your jealousy. Simply think of all the things that you have and compare yourself with those who are less priveledged than you. Once you begin to appreciate your belongings, you will become less insecure and feel good about yourself. Once you gain the desired level of confidence, you will be happy internally and will not worry about what you do not have. There is no end to material possessions. The more you acquire, the more intense the desire becomes to accumulate wealth. People have gone bankrupt in their effort to match their neighbors, and friend circle in the rat race. This is not the solution to the problem, it is a fuel to the problem which continues to perpetuate if you do not do anything about it and end your misery. People can destroy their lives with uncontrolled emotion of jealousy. Start your day by thanking God for what you have, e.g. your vision, hearing, ambulation, and ability to use all the five senses. Moreover, you have organs that work and function and you are not in the hospital gasping for breath and suffering from a terminal illness, accident or fatal injury.
2. Use ACTING AS IF Technique.
Acting AS IF is another technique that can be instrumental in reducing your jealousy , according to Dr. Joyce Brothers, the famous author of the book, Positive Plus, The Practical Plan for Liking Yourself Better. Try to act as if you are not jealous and change your thoughts as soon as you catch yourself having jealous thoughts. Immediately replace your thoughts with counterstatements that validate your level of confidence and sense of security. Act as if you are calm no matter how upset you are. When you develop this sense of control before doing or saying anything, you save yourself from trouble. Go for a walk, play your favorite sport, clean the house or do a work out. When you engage in physical activity, you are likely to produce endorphins that will make you feel better. When you work off your jealous turmoil, keep using the positive self talk and affirmations, like. “I am in control.” Acting as if does a programming of your subconscious mind that will eventually reduce your jealousy too. When you have acted as if you are calm, you are more likely to be calm when you have to confront the person who has made you jealous and this will be in your best interest if you want to cherish and sustain your relationship. Many relationships have been broken because the persons involved, could not take a calm composure and confronted each other in destructive and abusive conversation.
3. Avoid Any Confrontation and Do Problem solving.
Avoid any confrontation until you are at least, 90 percent sure you have reason to be jealous. Do some pondering over whether your jealousy is rational or irrational. Also, try to explore and assess why you are jealous. It could be that you have a strong need for attention and you are not getting it from your loved ones. So when you see them showering love to others, your feelings of inadequacy give rise to jealousy. May be you need to have an open communication with your loved ones and try to explain them how you feel and what your expectations are. Sometimes, things can improve with open and honest communication. You need to know that in all relationships, there comes a time when people start taking each other for granted and gradually their passion for each other begins to fade out. This is the time to rekindle your passion by doing the things again that you did when you were courting. Little acts like giving each other appreciation, neck massage, flowers, going out for dinner dates, concerts, spending time together in mini get away vacations, and taking nature vacations can help you revive the old passion. You need to take action to solve the problem versus feeling jealous and spoiling your inner harmony.
4. Take Action.
If you believe that your jealousy is rational, decide what you want to do about it. Getting angry, blowing off steam, bingeing on food and dessert will not remedy the problem. They keep attention on yourself and your anger and do not solve the problem. Instead, you should try to focus on the situation and how you want to handle it. The technique of ACTING AS IF has already been discussed before, and it is important to use it in this situation also. Bite your tongue and put a smile on your face and ACT AS IF everything is normal. This gives you a sense of control and empowers you with choices. For example, you called your husband at the hotel, and a lady answered the phone. You begin to have jealousy. But unless you know all the factors around the situation, you cannot jump to conclusion about your husband having an affair with the other woman. It is wise to communicate and confront but when you are exploding with anger, it is hard to engage in a rational and mature conversation. It is better to put some space between the event that provoked your jealousy and any discussion about it. So when you use the technique of ACTING AS IF for several days or a week, you gain better control and sense of security and are likely to act more rationally. When you feel that you are in control, bring up the subject. You will be able to exercise more self control and composure when discussing the issue. Messages given in the state of anger, can back fire and destroy relationships. It may be useful to bring up the subject in a non accusatory manner so that the other person does not feel attacked and becomes defensive. Express your love for the other person so that he can reciprocate it. Chances are that he will retaliate if you accuse him and you will get nowhere in resolving the problem.
5. Build up your self esteem.
As mentioned earlier, jealousy stems out from low self esteem, it is very important to recognize and appreciate your assets. Make a list of your strengths and weaknesses. Focus on all the good qualities that you have,e.g. a good cook, good mother, good housekeeper, organized, clean, and soft spoken. Then make a list of your weaknesses and focus more on the strengths so that you do not undermine yourself. Filter out the negative traits and work on them but do not degrade yourself. No one is perfect and we are normal if we have few negative traits also. Your self image will definitely improve with this practice so you will not be judging others, seeing only the wrong things in other people’s behaviors and you will become more objective in your interpretation of the situation.
6. Develop Spirituality:
People who are spiritual seem to be contended with what they have and do not engage in the rat race that is caused by the feelings of jealousy. Having strong faith in your Higher Power will facilitate the feelings of gratitude and you will be rejoicing other people’s wealth and assets instead of getting jealous of their material possessions. You may want to change your value system and begin to appreciate values like truthfulness, honesty, integrity,and morality more than material possessions. In order to seek happiness, some kind of detachment is necessary. Once you practice detachment, you will not be harboring jealousy towards others.
In summary, a little jealousy is sometimes normal and it can help build relationships, but do not let it control you. If you can control your jealousy, then you will be in good shape. Little jealousy can motivate you to work on your shortcomings and see what you can do to improve your relationships. So try to convert it into a positive trait and make it useful rather than destructive. It is like making lemonade out of lemons. With conscious awareness and right efforts made in a positive direction one can facilitate better relationship and a healthier attitude towards others. This will eliminate your chances of suffering from inadequacy and jealousy when you see someone flourish. Instead, you will rejoice in their happiness. Try to learn from them and see how you can improve at your end to get where they are. This will be the right step in overcoming your jealousy versus suffering from agony, hatred and anger.Hypnosis has been found very effective in addressing such feelings. To learn more about hypnosis, please visit www.cognitivehealing.com/hypnosis-services/
Hypnosis can promote the well being of the person as relaxation exercise helps the person to go in a trance and the suggestions offered in this state of mind sink in better. They help the person alter and modify behaviors and attitude, theryby promoting growth and better self esteem.
Hypnosis can also help people reduce jealousy and symptoms of anxiety. Please visit our Blossom Hypnotherapy page to learn how hypnosis can help reduce symptoms of Anxiety disorders.