When two people live together and have a bond together, it is important to sustain the bond. Many times, we become busy with our many facets of roles and tend to neglect each other as married couple. However, relationships are like gardens and we need to tend them in order to get the fruits and flowers. The moment we take it for granted and fail to appreciate each other, we begin to lose the necessary ingredients that help relationships remain intact. When two people love each other and begin to live together, they become exposed to each other’s imperfections and shortcomings, form judgment about each other and create a belief system which could be mistaken or irrational. Once this happens, everything is perceived in the light of these value judgments and it can start the game of accusations, blaming, and belittling each other. This is not healthy for relationships and it spreads the negativity around us. The love, passion and intimacy get suffered as a result of such interactions. People break up and get divorce and are not willing to patch up the differences they have. In order to avoid such catastrophes, it is important to utilize some helpful ideas for prevention and work towards resolving differences and developing intimacy again.
Following are some healthy tips to nurture marital bliss and minimize conflicts.
1. It has been researched that physical closeness is very important for strengthening the bond between married couples. Give at least four hugs per day. Hugs activate oxytocin which is a bonding chemical. It brings you closer to each other and is quite therapeutic.
2. If you are feeling anger and resentment in your relationships, it can affect the bond between you. Try to express your feelings assertively in good communication. If you hang on to your anger and resentments, it can be very toxic. Try to recognize the issue that is bothering you, express your feelings, forgive your partner and forgive yourself. It takes a great heart to be willing to forgive but there is a certain element of modesty involved when you suppress your ego and engage in humility by apologizing and forgiving your partner.
3. As mentioned earlier, when two partners live together, they become exposed to each other’s imperfections. Try to overlook each other’s shortcomings, appreciate each other’s differences as well as your similarities. No one is perfect and we can’t expect our partners to be perfect either. Look at the big picture and be thankful for all his or her good qualities and focus on those to minimize arguments and negative type of interactions.
4. Sometimes relationships suffer because we form faulty self image. When your self esteem is low and you label yourself as inferior, your partner begins to perceive you accordingly. So work on your self esteem and try not to berate yourself. Change your automatic self talk with the help of affirmations, positive self talk, and cultivate good self esteem.
5. Work as a team. When you share goals and face challenges together, it builds up the team work and it seems like both of you solved the problem together. It makes you stronger and prepares you to face the harder times in the future. It feels good to be asked for input for making crucial decisions.
6. Express your love often and do not take each other for granted. Try to remember the passion that brought you together in the first place. It will be helpful to look at your partner through the eyes of first love. Try to recall why you fell in love with your partner in the first place, express your love often and praise each other. When you uplift the other person, it reinforces the positive and gives encouragement to each other.
7. It is important to learn about each other’s needs and what makes the other person feel wanted and fulfilled. Some people like to see the love in the eyes of the partner, some like touch, some like gifts or some kind of special treatment. When you discover what your partner’s love language is, you will be able to use it liberally and avoid conflicts.
8. In relationships, the biggest mistake we make, is when we take each other for granted. It is not a good feeling if it continues to persist. Expression of love and gratitude work like magic. Saying thank you for little things he or she does, can break the wall between you and draw you closer. These are little lubricants for relationships and they can minimize frictions and conflicts.
9. Make time for each other. Relationships become stale when you forget what you enjoyed in each other’s company. Spend time together doing things that you enjoy. It is very important to engage in good communication rather than keeping secrets from each other. Openness, honesty, and willingness to resolve differences, will facilitate good harmony in your relationships.
10. Sometimes, married couples lose intimacy with each other and they create a distance between them. Make love and be physically affectionate with each other. Intimacy is a necessary ingredient of healthy relationships and sexual intimacy can keep your connection strong and alive. You will have more excitement when you are also intimate with each other.
11. Create reminders of your love. Write love notes, play your favorite love song that both of you enjoy. Send text message to each other conveying your love feelings. In this way you can nurture your relationships successfully and give less reason to your partners for getting angry and complaining about lack of interest and love.
12. Be your partner’s biggest fan and admirer. When you are supportive of each other both inside and outside the relationship, it creates good feelings and generates good will. Let him or her know that you are on your partner’s side. Try to console him or her when he suffers losses and also rejoice his or her victory. Jealousy will breed ill feelings and create an aura of competitiveness which is not healthy for relationships.
13. Life gives us the taste of both roses and thorns. When difficult times come, try to be there for each other. View any obstacles, challenges as opportunities for growth where you can both learn and mature.
14. Try to avoid giving threats to end the relationship unless you are faced with some insurmountable problem. Try to make a commitment to each other and work out the problems together. Try to believe that you both are destined to be in this relationship and look for ways to learn and grow in love together every day. It is a different story when there is abuse and domestic violence in the relationship and then you need professional help.
15. It is said that there is a ‘give and take’ in every relationship. Always treat your partner as you would like to be treated. You have to deposit love in order to withdraw it from the emotional banking. Your relationship will continue to grow and change as time passes. Try to recognize this fact and appreciate each other for the positive changes you are making. Always show the willingness to change. Cherish what you have shared together in all these years and also make room for the new changes in relationship.
16. The most important thing in relationship is commitment. When problems arise, try to hold on to your commitment and dedicate to growing strongest together. When there is reciprocity in relationships, they flourish and allow each other to filter out the shortcomings and become more forgiving.
17. Last but not least, trust is another important ingredient of a healthy relationship. Trust forms a solid foundation and if this breaks, the relationship also falters. It is not easy for the other partner to forgive when there is a betrayal of trust. Once the trust is broken, the other person begins to make over generalization error and feels insecure about the future. It is important to give each other a sense of security and reassurance so that the other person can live in peace without worrying about the chances of betrayal. That is why honesty and openness are important and they have been mentioned earlier in the text of this article.
These are some of the tips that will help couples sustain and grow the bond that exists between them.
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Reference: Love Karma by Char Margoli